One of the thing’s management always wonders about is… do they have the right team? When coaching a youth soccer team you don’t have the opportunity to fire players or draft new ones. It presents a unique opportunity. A good coach or manager asks, “How can I develop each player to their maximum potential?”
At the girls first game (see last post), I played every player. Nina was a great ten year old, but she didn’t have much skill, and sometimes seemed in her own world. If the ball came by her she might kick at it, or she might not. During the game, I put her in even when we pulled ahead.
I could hear the whispers from parents, “Geez, why is he playing her? She’s terrible.”
Subsequently, I had a parent meeting and told them that the first time I heard anything but ‘Go Team,’ I would walk over and put a Tootsie Pop in their mouth. They were instructed to not use their daughter’s names, make comments about players, the other team, or the refs. When the games were over, the only question and only conversation they should have with their kids was to ask them if they had fun. No comments on the game, or how well they did, or what went right or wrong. If I heard a second comment they would be asked to leave and sit in their car.
I never said anything to Nina when she missed the ball or failed to kick at it. But when she did connect, I praised her, “Way to go Nina!” The other kids picked up on this. At the end of the season she’d made progress, but I wasn’t certain she’d continue. Kids come and kids go.
Six years later I was waiting for a high school varsity game to start when another team finished and came off the field. There was a kid who had scored the winning goal who I thought had played really well. She climbed into the stands and sat down a couple of rows in front of me. She had her name on the back of her team sweatshirt… Nina.
Kids change a lot growing up. Before I made the connection, she turned and said, “Hi, Mr. Stocking. Remember me?”
I said, “Sure Nina. How are you?”
“I’m a lot better than I used to be,” she said.
To which I replied, “Yes, I was talking to your coach Beau, and he says you’re great.” I hadn’t talked to him, but I’d seen her play. “Nice goal.” She smiled and turned to watch the next game.
Lesson 5… positive reinforcement always trumps negative. Here was a kid who didn’t look like she was going to make it, but who stuck with it to become a good player. What would have happened if instead of reinforcing her success, she was reminded of her mistakes? Contrary to popular myth, I believe we learn more from success than failure. Failure only de-motivates. For managers and adults, rewards and praise are still powerful tools. Too often we look for fault, both downward and upward.
And too often we fail to develop people. But the rewards for doing so are higher productivity, better results and lower costs than trading personnel all the time. You can replace everyone on your team if needed. But just because you can doesn’t mean you should. Sometimes it might feel like you need to. But to my view, it’s always better to ask, how can I get the most out each team player?
Another ten years goes by and I meet a young woman at a friend’s daughter’s wedding. She looks familiar and I awkwardly ask if we’ve met. She smiles and says, “You were my coach, I’m Nina.” She said she declined to play soccer in college, but majored in marketing and was now working with Target Corporation, a marketing powerhouse. I relayed the above story to her fiancé and we laughed.
Do Great Things.
Lee Stocking
Prairie Sky Group
Making Sales Cry With Qualified Leads
lee.stocking@gmail.com
651-357-0110 (Cell 24×7)